just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
