So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
