My hair reeks of homosexuality.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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