Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
