how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
