haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
