i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
