I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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