hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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