I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
