Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
