I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
