This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
