were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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