He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
