No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
