In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
