On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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