How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
