i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
