is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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