Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
