shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
