I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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