I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize