Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita

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(516): View more from New York

check it out our google latitudes are spooning

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(509): View more from Washington

I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?

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(440): View more from Ohio

sarcasm needs its own font

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.

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(810): View more from Michigan

The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.

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(830): View more from Texas

I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.

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(425): View more from Washington

But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture

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(516): View more from New York

Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.

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