Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
