You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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