his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
