I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
