i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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