Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
