I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How does it feel to date your dad?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize