Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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