The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
