I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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