it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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