Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
