I think I died a long time ago.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
