I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize