Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
