I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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