piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
