Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i love accidental penises.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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