Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Holy shit dude........stairs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
