she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
