i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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