You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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