Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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