in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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