your parents love me but you hate me
return my video game
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
