I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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