chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
