i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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