69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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