U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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