How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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