As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
