You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
