he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
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