Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
