Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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