you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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