woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
