oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
