I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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