I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
