you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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