We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
